christian living

Ramblings of Fall and Denise

1897969_10205217180298395_5007531464465373765_nThe green leaves linger but the calendar declares that fall has arrived. It was your favorite time of year. Mine too. Saluki basketball games could not start soon enough. Our SIU sweatshirts were moved to the front of the closet in anticipation of the first games. An autumn scent always filled your home. Leaves, candles, and scarecrows were both inside and out. You hunted down everything pumpkin for me to enjoy: donuts, lattes, creamers and cakes. Oh, and I think of your pumpkin roll. If I couldn’t beg you into making me one sooner, you always brought me one with my birthday gift. I loved your pumpkin rolls. Okay, you know that I love everyone’s pumpkin rolls.

While the leaves here have not yet changed, some things have. Your husband has experienced some emotional healing and has a new interest in his life. We have had dinner together. She has a lot in common with you. I’m so glad she is a woman who loves the Lord too. I am happy for them both though I feel like a traitor for feeling that way. I see pictures of Josie on Facebook. She’s beautiful and smart but you already knew that. I wanted to get to know Josie more. But I am a stranger to her and oh how I regret that. Your mother is hard to reach when I call her cellphone but for the most part she does respond to texts. We have done some Sunday dinners at her house but it is not the same without you. I don’t know what to say or do to help her with losing you. It seems your sister and brother continue on though I am sure they are somewhere in their own stage of grieving.

We have moved to a little house close to the park. We could have used your help painting again. Remember when Doug and I bought the house on Route 14 and we painted it together? I complained every minute how I hated painting. I still complained some this time too.

Soon the gold, crimson and rust-colored leaves will descend and the bare trees will embrace the cold and perhaps a dusting of snow. Fall will fade to winter. January will come and with it the one-year anniversary of your death.

I miss you, my friend. I miss you.

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