I have never experienced the kick of a baby in my womb. I know the feeling of dread when a pastor begins to announce for all the mothers to stand and be recognized on Mother’s Day. For the childless, we sit in our pew, moving around awkwardly with a fake smile on our face, feeling as if we have the plague. Some have earnestly prayed for years for God to open their womb. Others have had unsuccessful fertility treatments. Then there’s me. Almost thirty, migraines had increased from being on birth control pills for so many years. My husband and I thought we didn’t want to have any children. Without seeking counsel, we made the decision to have a procedure to keep us from having a child.
A few years later we regretted what we had done. We found ourselves looking into adoption or another procedure but both seemed financially impossible. While I sometimes might briefly wonder what having a child would have been like, I know my God is sovereign. For a reason He only knows I am without a child but not childless.
God has blessed me as an Auntie to many not just here but also in South Africa (And soon to be new Auntie there too!). These children may not be my own but I love them, pray for them, and help raise them in the knowledge of the Lord just as their parents are doing. I am thankful for friends who encourage me to be a part of their children’s lives.
Please, childless one, do not grow bitter. Trust in, El Roi, the God who sees. He will look after you. He wants to heal your pain. For some, such as a good friend of mine, God will answer your prayer for a child. For others, like me, we build into the lives of the children around us even in the waiting.