We meet together each week with mugs of coffee or tea in hand. Three older women, that includes me, among younger to discuss the book Pulling Back by the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart by Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery. Our facilitator is a young woman with a passion for other women to know the whys of God’s commands for sexual purity before marriage. Many parents and churches teach “You don’t have sex before marriage” and leave it there without explaining the why of His command. As one woman shared last night God gives us commands to provide for us or to protect us. Experiencing sex in any form before marriage removes the oneness intended to be found in the marriage bed of you and your husband. Even just reading erotica sets women up for a big disappointment when their husband doesn’t fulfill the fantasy they have been engrossed in.
This week’s chapter, Some Things Really are Black and White, addressed what God’s Word clearly states as wrong: fornication, adultery, homosexuality, impurity, orgies, prostitution, lustful passions (this does not include those between spouses), sodomy, obscenity/coarse jokes and incest. Then the areas were introduced that God’s word is not specific on: reading erotica, watching porn with your husband and different types of sex. The authors present a list of questions from Paul’s exhortation in 1 Corinthians 10:23-24:
Is this beneficial?
Is good for me? For my husband? For our marriage?
Does it master me?
Can it be habit-forming or addictive?
Is it constructive?
Does it help me grow and mature? Does it build our marriage?
Is it loving?
Does this action show love toward others or is it selfish?
Ten women with different shades of red faces as we talk about subjects that cause us to blush. Pulling back the shade over our hearts sometimes with tears. We share scripture and love for one another, looking to God not to Christian Grey, for the answers.