I don’t know why
the caged bird sings…
For from this round cage
I can’t wait to try my wings.
For me part of having a missionary blog is to share not only the good things but also times of struggle. One can read our posts and see how God is at work, but you can’t see how He is at work in our hearts unless we share it. Right now, I’m in the midst of a struggle.
I have always been an independent person. If I wanted to go somewhere, I jumped in my car and went. Most of the time, not even considering Doug and if he would want me to do it or not. That did change in the past few years as I realized more from scripture how a godly wife should be. I began to consult him. He began to appreciate that I would ask.
Fast forward to our life here in Polokwane. We have a vehicle that another missionary couple has most graciously let us use. I have drove some on our dirt road with it but do not feel that I should be driving it in town. Thus, I am at my husband’s mercy to take me anywhere and, quite frankly, I hate it. I want to be able to take myself to the store or to bible study. I just want some freedom that I feel I am lacking.
I shared my struggles with two dear friends and they both addressed the issue of self-pride. Gosh, they know me quite well. This post has been filled with “I…I…I” and what letter is in the middle of pride? So another lesson of dying to self and a prideful heart begins. I don’t think I’ll ever be free from these lessons until the Lord returns.
As God would have it, I’m working on a Philippians study for the women at the Pastor’s/Wives conference in Xicumbane at the end of the month. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the book, Paul encourages us to “rejoice in the Lord” and to be content. I’m trying hard to live this out.
Lord, through your strength may I learn to be content in whatever circumstances.